Exploding from free thought

So I think I have decided what I want for a tattoo (note: think, lol). Being as that my family from way back was from Scandinavia (and subsequently invaded France and/or the British Isles specifically for my family name), I picked the raven banner... the one on the left was used by Viing rulers as they invaded to strike fear in the eyes of the people they pillaged. using the raven to reference Odin. You can read more about it at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raven_banner

I want to get two of them (Odin had two) and get them on my shoulders, what do y'all think?

Life hits you really hard sometimes. You think, sitting in movies, that things like what you're watching will never happen to you, that you're safe in your little home town, things that you can have easily cleared up by calling a friend or a loved one.

It hurts when people are reminded of how their minds and bodies aren't what they used to be when they're little, healthy and clean, free or trauma and abuse. Sometimes it just hurts thinking back to when you had something, and now it is physically or mentally impossible to go back to being that way.

I'm crying tonight. Crying for someone else's pain. Sometimes people get caught up so easily in their own lives and can't seem to think about how someone else is enduring their own pains. I'm crying because someone else has been hurt. I sat there and WATCHED them realize that there is no turning back, that something has happened to them that will forever change their life, that they can't escape.

What can people do? Is everything just some big test? Maybe our problems happen to us to help guide and teach others. Maybe one day someone will see me breakdown and wish I could have had just one more chance.

I have to look down and realize that THIS IS ALL I HAVE. This body, this sin will be with me my entire life, and it is all I have. These hands will go on to caress other faces than the one i want to caress right now.

Or will they?

You know, I don't think it's my parents not doing the right thing. They are doing all the right things.

But at the same time, they have not adapted to the changes that have been made by me as I have done what Ive needed to and acquired a whole new set of needs that the are unfamiliar with.

Dear Santa,

I want Ryan Seacrest and Joel McHale in my bed. Please wrap them in pretty pink ribbon ;)

Love,

Adam

So apparently I'm not the only gay Adam H. in VB... and I have a date with him Sunday!

i really like you
I really elike you too
does that mean you are going to f.o.i.l. me?
(x + 3)(x - 2) = my heart in math form
x^2 +x -6 you baby
from my heart

"What's the point of having cake if you can't eat it?"
- That's what bakeries are for... if people ate everything they had, then no one would be able to get them in the first place.

People talk about the McDonaldization of the world, and how it is wasting money and making people fat. I have a new take on this issue:
- I say that because Americans are trained to eat any and everything, they can either go to McDonald's and get a "reasonably" sized meal... or they can go to Walmart and by every colorful piece of shit on the shelf, and go home and sit around and eat it all. I say that McDonald's and the like actually limits people to eating a "meal" (or a limited amount of food) rather than going to the store, buying a cart full of food (that convinces people you are going home to ration it out and save money) when a lot of Americans do in fact go home and sit around and eat everything uncontrollably until they run out, in which they go to the store again to repeat the process. The idea that they are food hording pigs is masked by the fact that they are in a store with a cart and grocery shopping because it creates the illusion that they are self-disciplined economy-concious shoppers (when they are really strolling down every aisle and buying whatever sounds good at the moment).

Maybe our habits as Americans are so curved that we are not able to follow "healthy" practices anymore.

Someone on gay.com posted this bioline:

"Don't buy a cow til you've tasted the meat"

Who would buy a dead cow?

I think I just had an epiphany...

Maybe all gay men are manipulative assholes, because they seem to have a knack for taking everyone else's mistakes and converting them into measures of their own false perfection.

How did this area's gay community become so fucked up? What is it about this area in particular that attracts liars and the worse examples of considerate people?

I'm an exogamist... yay, new label.

I sincerely hate almost every aspect of my life. I wish things would look up, I'm tired of pretending to be happy.

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1.) Settle down
2.) Teach someone to be bilingual
3.) Travel to an assortment of Latin American countries

Three Names You Go By:
1.) Adam
2.) Addie
3.) The Destroyer

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1.) Fox586
2.) Andscene08
3.) Muyrojo

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) nose
2.) facial expressions
3.) feet

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1.) Irish
2.) Choctaw
3.) Scandinavian

Three Things That Scare You:
1.) being alone
2.) not having enough money
3.) Americans

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) hair gel/spray
2.) belt
3.) chapstick

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) blue gym shorts
2.) contacts
3.) ... my dignity?

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1.) Kat Deluna
2.) Shakira
3.) Nelly Furtado (I have a thing for funny sounding exotic women)

Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1.) "Don't Bother" - Shakira
2.) "Whine Up" - Kat Deluna
3.) "Dance With Somebody" - Whitney Houston

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1.) consideration
2.) mutually shared activities/hobbies
3.) trust/commitment


Two Truths And A Lie:
1.) I won my elementary school Spelling Bee in 3rd grade
2.) I was denied entrance into the middle school language program
3.) I think I'm better than a lot of people

Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1.) chin/neck
2.) hair
3.) waist

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1.) watching adult swim
2.) people watching
3.) joyriding

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) go see a movie/hang out with someone
2.) my homework, i wish i didn't procrastinate
3.) find a purpose

Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1.) translator
2.) hispanic pr work
3.) immigration services

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) Buenos Aires
2.) Norway
3.) Mexico City

Three Kid's Names You Like:
1.) Oscar
2.) Hector
3.) Marisol

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl:
1.) I have to look a certain way before going out in public
2.) I react emotionally and tend to internalize everything
3.) I like men, lol

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1.) Masturbationnnnn
2.) let my facial hair get scruffy
3.) I belch loudly everywhere

"You can tell a man's a good kisser by the way he eats an apple."

40.5" chest, 34.5" waist, 38.5" hips

I didn't realize how reading someone's measurements makes them that much more real physically.

Last night my stomach had hurt a little... but it felt more like a muscle/organ pain than an actual sickness... but I figured maybe it was just from stress at work. I woke up this morning at 3am with the most severe stomach pain I think I have had in years. It wasn't a sick pain, again, I started panicking thinking I had ruptured my spleen, or something serious. I was about to either drive to Riverside or call 911, I had no idea what to do, I sat there crying from the pain... the only thing that made it feel at least barable was to get in a fetal position and wrap my huge blanket around me... that was the only thing I could think of. I woke up again on time, it was mostly gone; I could still feel the soreness when I tightened my stomach... I can feel it now. I don't know what the hell went on with me, but I did have Arby's last night... for the first time in God knows when.

I think it's kind of ironic actually, one of the last times I went there and had a similar "market-fresh" sandwich, I had horrible stomach aches. It didn't happen though when I took off the lettuce. I'm just warning y'all in case you eat there at all, I had the worst night because of it (I think).

PS... I just realized, their chicken salad has apples and walnuts and grapes in it to make it interesting and tasty... but I think it's just to save money from the cost of chicken. Losers... it's still bangin though.

"Do something you've never done to get something you've never had."

I really like this one.

I talked to my mom for the first time about dating when she was my age. She said she was always in between boyfriends, and that they usually broke up with her. It was so weird... relating to her that way. We have a lot in common. She sent me an email today amidst this conversation saying, "Hang in there...you're a very likeable, intelligent and charming person (when you're not in a negative mood). You just need to meet people that you have stuff in common with". She's right... I am a moody bitch... and I deserve to be around other nerdy lame-os like myself :)

On the debate of nature v. nurture with homosexuality. My mom and family blame me for the changes I have caused. Aside from the fact that I voiced the problem... family is to blame for both nature and nurture. They gave me my genes, they raised me, yet they are resentful at me for not being the way that they want.

How can certain family members resent me for not giving them children, but at the same time vote against gay marriage? If I can't even have a civil union, how would I responsibly (and financially) raise a child?

Has everything in the world been researched? If that is the case, that no topics are technically undiscovered, maybe the next step (our generation and the ones to follow) is to put the research into action.

How can I be raised by narrow-mindedness and then be yelled at for having a set opinion? I believe in reincarnation, I think the Arabs and the Japanese helped the world, I like Hillary, and a huge amount of men in the Navy currently are flaming homosexuals. There, I just offended every single grandparent.

We need more people like Elly in the government. I don't believe over-experienced one track politicians or hardcore political knowledge necessarily helps conflict. We need more people that are simple concerned individuals who listen and don't criticize instantaneously. I've said things to these people at my school about class and life that received harsh looks and criticism... that is not what this country needs. Elly for prez. :)

Schooling in Spanish/Immigration: we can't find a solution that is ideal, we need a solution that is practical. We need more bilingual teachers that emphasize teaching in English, but are able to aid Spanish speaking children so that the transition into English schooling would be more acceptable and easier. We could raise a bilingual elite for the future... free from cultural discrimination. America needs to step off its high horse and get rid of the ideal "white" American dream. We have a shit load of immigrants, we have to adapt, no question about it.

Drug cartels: they have a positive and negative impact on society. Places like Colombia and Afghanistan receive so much capital from drug trafficking, yet have so much negative influence in the governments... we can't just make them illegal... we should be more focused on regulating it. Once again America needs to be more practical in realizing the diversity in the world and the impact current mass movements of people and products currently have.

I was watching this one porn... it's a guy sucking off another guy, and you can see his eyes and face... and he's so beautiful. I started thinking about how his hair style was European... but he looked kind of like an American guy... then I started to wonder if Europe still had guys that looked like the typically hot American guys that we all fantasize about... which made me get off, thinking about how America has become so mixed ethnically... different types of white people and nationalities especially... how America has taken various physical traits from all different nationalities in Europe to make such an unbelievably hot model male... I got off thanks to sociology... thinking, wow, because of our immigrant history, I could get off to this boy, great.